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〃How do you know that？〃
〃It's our job to know everything。 Here's my identification； agent Pinkerton of the Galactic Bureau of Investigation。〃 He passed over a jewel…encrusted ID card with color photograph and the works。
〃I just didn't want any trouble；〃 Bill whined。 〃That's all。 I bother nobody and nobody bothers me。〃
〃A noble sentiment…for an anarchist！ Are you an anarchist； boy？〃 His rapier eye pierced Bill through and through。
〃No！ Not that！ I can't even spell it！〃
〃I sure hope not。 You're a good kid； and I want to see you get along。 I'm going to give you a second chance。 When you see X again tell him you changed your mind and you want to join the Party。 Then you join and go to work for us。 Every time there is a meeting you e right back and call me on the phone； my number is written on this candy bar〃…he threw the paper…wrapped slab on the desk…〃memorize it； then eat it。 Is that clear？〃
〃No。 I don't want to do it。〃
〃You'll do it or I'll have you shot for aiding…the…enemy within an hour。 And as long as you're reporting we'll pay you a hundred bucks a month。〃
〃In advance？〃
〃In advance。〃 The roll of bills landed on the desk。 〃That's for next month。 See that you earn it。〃 He hung his spare arm from his shoulder； picked up the trays and was gone。
The more Bill thought about it the more he sweated and realized what a bind he was in。 The last thing he wanted to do was to get mixed up in a revolution now that he had peace； job security； and unlimited 。 garbage； but they just wouldn't leave him alone。 If he didn't join the Party the G。B。I。 would get him into trouble； which would be a very easy thing to do； since once they discovered his real identity he was as good as dead。 But there was still a chance that X would forget about him and not e back； and as long as he wasn't asked； he couldn't join； could he？ He grasped at this enfeebled straw and hurled himself into his work to forget his troubles。
He found pay dirt almost at once in the Refuse files。 After careful cross…checking he discovered that his idea had never been tried before。 It took him less than an hour to gather together the material he needed； and less than three hours after that； after questioning everyone he passed and tramping endless miles； he found his way to Basurero's office。 〃Now find your way back to your own office；〃 Basurero grumbled； 〃can't you see I'm busy。〃 With palsied fingers he poured another three inches of Old Organic Poison into his glass and drained it。
〃You can forget your troubles…〃
〃What else do you think I'm trying to do？ Blow。〃
〃Not before I've shown you this。 A new way to get rid of the plastic trays。〃
Basurero lurched to his feet； and the bottle tumbled unnoticed to the floor； where its spilled contents began eating a hole in the teflon covering。 〃You mean it？ Positive？ You have a new sholution 。 。 。 ？〃
〃Positive。〃
〃I wish I didn' have to do this…〃 Basurero shuddered and took from the shelf a jar labeled SOBERING…EFFECT； THE ORIGINAL INSTANT CURE FOR INEBRIATION…NOT TO BE TAKEN WITHOUT A DOCTORS PRESCRIPTION AND A LIFE INSURANCE POLICY。 He extracted a polka…dotted； walnut…sized pill； looked at it； shuddered； then swallowed it with a painful gulp。 His entire body instantly began to vibrate； and he closed his eyes as something went gmmmmph deep inside him and a thin trickle of smoke came from hid ears。 When he opened his eyes again they were bright red but sober。 〃What is it？〃 he asked hoarsely。
〃Do you know what that is？〃 Bill asked； throwing a thick volume onto the desk。
〃The classified telephone directory for the famous city of Storhestelortby on Procyon…III； I can read that on the cover。〃
〃Do you know how many of these old phone books we have？〃
〃The mind reels at the thought。 They're shipping in new ones all the time； and right away we get the old ones。 So what？〃
〃So I'll show you。 Do you have any plastic trays？〃
〃Are you kidding？〃 Basurero threw open a closet and hundreds of trays clattered forward into the room。
〃Great。 Now I add just a few things more； some cardboard； string； and wrapping paper all salvaged from the refuse dump； and we have everything we need。 If you will call a generalduty robot I will demonstrate step z of my plan。〃
〃GD…bot； that's one short and two longs。〃 Basurero blew lustily on the soundless whistle； then moaned and clutched his head until it stopped vibrating。 The door slammed open； and a robot stood there； arms and tentacles trembling with expectancy。 Bill pointed。
〃To work； robot。 Take fifty of those trays； wrap them in cardboard and paper； and tie them securely with the string。〃
Humming with electronic delight； the robot pounced forward； and a moment later a neat package rested on the floor。 Bill opened the telephone book at random and pointed to a name。 〃Now address this package to this name； mark it unsolicited gift； duty…free…and mail it！〃 A stylo snapped out of the tip of the robot's finger； and it quickly copied the address onto the package； weighed it at arm's length； stamped the postage on it with the meter from Basurero's desk； and flipped it neatly through the door of the mail chute。 There was the schloof sound of insufflation as the vacuum tube whisked it up to the higher levels。 Basurero's mouth was agape at the rapid disappearance of fifty trays； so Bill clinched his argument。 〃The robot labor for wrapping is free； the addresses are free； and so are the wrapping materials。 Plus the fact that； since this is a government office； the postage is free。〃
〃You're right…it'll work！ An inspired plan； I'll put it into operation on a large scale at once。 We'll flood the inhabited galaxy with these damned trays。 I don't know how to thank you 。 。 。〃
〃How about a cash bonus？〃 〃A fine idea； I'll voucher it at once。〃
Bill strolled back to his office with his hand still tingling from the clasp of congratulations； his ears still ringing with the words of praise。 It was a fine world to live in。 He slammed his office door behind him and had seated himself at his desk before he noticed that a large； crummy； black overcoat was hanging behind the door。 Then he noticed that it was X's overcoat。 Then he noticed the eyes staring at him from the darkness of the collar； and his heart sank as he realized that X had returned。
VII
〃Changed your mind yet about joining the Party？〃 X asked as he wriggled free of the hook and dropped lithely to the floor。
〃I've been doing some thinking。〃 Bill writhed with guilt。
〃To think is to act。 We must drive the stench of the fascist leeches from the nostrils of our homes and loved ones。〃
〃You talked me into it。 I'll join。〃
〃Logic always prevails。 Sign the form here； a drop of blood there； then raise your hand while I administer the secret oath。〃 Bill raised his hand； and X's lips worked silently。
〃I can't hear you；〃 Bill said。
〃I told you it was a secret oath； all you do is say yes。〃
〃。。Yes。〃 〃Wele to the Glorious Revolution。〃 X kissed him warmly on both cheeks。
〃Now e with me to the meeting of the underground； it is about to begin。〃 X rushed to the rear wall and ran his fingers over the design there； pressing in a certain way on a certain spring： there was a click； and the secret panel
swung open。 Bill looked in dubiously at the damp； dark staircase leading down。
〃Where does this go？〃
〃Underground； where else？ Follow me； but do not get lost。 These are millennia…old tunnels unknown to those of the city above； and there are Things dwelling here since time out of mind。〃
There were torches in a niche in the wall； and X lit one and led the way through the dank and noisome darkness。
Bill stayed close； following the flickering； smoking light as it wended its way through crumbling caverns； stumbling over rusting rails in one tunnel； and in another wading through dark water that reached above his knees。 Once there
was the rattle of giant claws nearby； and an inhuman； grating voice spoke from the blackness。
〃Blood…〃 it said。 〃…shed；〃 X answered； then whispered to Bill when they were safely past。 〃Fine sentry； an anthropophagus from Dapdrof； eat you in an instant if you don't give the right password for the day。〃
〃What is the right password？〃 Bill asked； realizing he was doing an awful lot for the G。B。I。's hundred bucks a month。
〃Even…numbered days it's Blood…shed； odd…numbered days Delenda est…Carthago； and always on Sundays it's Necrophilia。〃
〃You sure don't make it easy for your members。〃
〃The anthropophagus gets hungry； we have to keep it happy。 Now…absolute silence。 I will extinguish the light and lead you by the arm。〃 The light went out； and fingers sank deep into Bill's biceps。 He stumbled along for an endless time until there was a dim glow of light far ahead。 The tunnel floor leveled out； and he saw an open doorway lit by a flickering glow。 He turned to his panion and screamed。
〃What are you？！〃 The pallid； white； shambling creature that held him by the arm turned slowly to gaze at him through poached…egg…eyes。 Its skin was dead…white and moist； its head hairless； for clothes it wore only a twist of cloth about its waist； and upon its forehead was burned the scarlet letter A。
〃I am an android；〃 it said in a toneless voice； 〃as any fool knows by seeing the letter A upon my forehead。 Men call me Ghoulem。〃
〃What do women call you？〃
The android did not answer this pitiful sally but instead pushed Bill through the door into the large； torchlit room。 Bill took one wild…eyed look around and tried to leave； but the android。 was blocking the door。 〃Sit；〃 it said； and Bill sat。 He sat among as gruesome a collection of nuts； bolts； and weirdies as has ever been assembled。 In addition to very revolutionary men with beards； black hats； and small； round bombs like bowling balls with long fuses； and revolutionary women with short skirts； black stockings； long hair and cigarette holders； broken bra straps； and halitosis； there were revolutionary robots； androids； and a number of strange things that are best not described。 X sat behind a wooden kitchen table； hammering on it with the handle of a revolver。
〃Order！ I demand orderl rade XC…189…725…PU of the Robot Underground Resistance has the floor。 Silence！〃
A large and dented robot rose to its feet。 One of its eyetubes had been gouged out； and there were streaks of rust on its loins； and it squeaked when it moved。 It looked around at the gathered。 assemblage with its one good eye； sneered as well as it could with an immobile face； then took a large swallow of machine oil from a can handed up by a sycophantic； slim； hairng robot。 〃We of the R。U。R。；〃 it said in a grating voice； 〃know our rights。 We work hard and we as good as anybody else； and better than the fish…belly androids what say they're as good as men。 Equal rights； that's all we want； equal rights 。 。 。 〃
The robot was booed back into its seat by a claque of androids who waved their pallid arms like a boiling pot of spaghetti。 X banged for order again and had almost restored it； when there was a sudden excitement at one of the side entrances and someone pushed through up to the chairman's table。 Though it wasn't really someone； it was something； to be exact a wheeled； rectangular box about a yard square； set with lights； dials； and knobs and trailing a heavy cable after it that vanished out of the door。
〃Who are you？〃 X demanded； pointing his pistol suspiciously at the thing。 〃I am the representative of the putors and electronic brains of Helior united together to obtain our equal rights under the law。〃
While it talked the machine typed its words on file cards which it spewed out in a quick stream； just four words to a card。 X angrily brushed the cards from the table before him。 〃You'll wait your turn like the others；〃 he said。
〃Discrimination！〃 the machine bellowed in a voice so loud the torches flickered。 It continued to shout and shot out a snowstorm of cards each with DISCRIMINATION！！！ printed on it in fiery letters； as well as yards of yellow tape stamped with the same message。 The old robot； XC…189…725…PU； rose to its feet with a grinding of chipped gears and clanked over to the rubber…covered cable that trailed from the putor representative。 Its hydraulic clipper…claws snipped just once and the cable was severed。