按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
〃At an Improbability Factor；〃 cut in Eddie； who hadn't changed a bit； 〃of eight million seven hundred and sixty…seven thousand one hundred and twenty…eight to one against。〃
Zaphod stared at Arthur。
〃Did you think of that； Earthman？〃 he demanded。
〃Well；〃 said Arthur； 〃all I did was。。。〃
〃That's very good thinking you know。 Turn on the Improbability Drive for a second without first activating the proofing screens。 Hey kid you just saved our lives； you know that？〃
〃Oh；〃 said Arthur； 〃well； it was nothing really。。。〃
〃Was it？〃 said Zaphod。 〃Oh well； forget it then。 OK； puter； take us in to land。〃
〃But。。。〃
〃I said forget it。〃
Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet。
And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale； this poor innocent creature had very little time to e to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to e to terms with not being a whale any more。
This is a plete record of its thoughts from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it。
Ah。。。 ！ What's happening？ it thought。 Er； excuse me； who am I？ Hello？ Why am I here？ What's my purpose in life？ What do I mean by who am I？ Calm down； get a grip now。。。 oh！ this is an interesting sensation； what is it？ It's a sort of。。。 yawning； tingling sensation in my。。。 my。。。 well I suppose I'd better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world； so let's call it my stomach。
Good。 Ooooh； it's getting quite strong。 And hey； what's about this whistling roaring sound going past what I'm suddenly going to call my head？ Perhaps I can call that。。。 wind！ Is that a good name？ It'll do。。。 perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I've found out what it's for。 It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it。 Hey！ What's this thing？ This。。。 let's call it a tail … yeah； tail。 Hey！ I can can really thrash it about pretty good can't I？ Wow！ Wow！ That feels great！ Doesn't seem to achieve very much but I'll probably find out what it's for later on。 Now … have I built up any coherent picture of things yet？
No。
Never mind； hey； this is really exciting； so much to find out about； so much to look forward to； I'm quite dizzy with anticipation。。。
Or is it the wind？
There really is a lot of that now isn't it？
And wow！ Hey！ What's this thing suddenly ing towards me very fast？ Very very fast。 So big and flat and round； it needs a big wide sounding name like。。。 ow。。。 ound。。。 round。。。 ground！
That's it！ That's a good name … ground！
I wonder if it will be friends with me？
And the rest； after a sudden wet thud； was silence。
Curiously enough； the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no； not again。 Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now。
Chapter 19
〃Are we taking this robot with us？〃 said Ford； looking with distaste at Marvin who was standing in an awkward hunched posture in the corner under a small palm tree。
Zaphod glanced away from the mirror screens which presented a panoramic view of the blighted landscape on which the Heart of Gold had now landed。
〃Oh； the Paranoid Android；〃 he said。 〃Yeah； we'll take him。〃
〃But what are supposed to do with a manically depressed robot？〃
〃You think you've got problems；〃 said Marvin as if he was addressing a newly occupied coffin； 〃what are you supposed to do if you are a manically depressed robot？ No； don't bother to answer that； I'm fifty thousand times more intelligent than you and even I don't know the answer。 It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level。〃
Trillian burst in through the door from her cabin。
〃My white mice have escaped！〃 she said。
An expression of deep worry and concern failed to cross either of Zaphod's faces。
〃Nuts to your white mice；〃 he said。
Trillian glared an upset glare at him； and disappeared again。
It is possible that her remark would have manded greater attention had it been generally realized that human beings were only the third most intelligent life form present on the planet Earth； instead of （as was generally thought by most independent observers） the second。
〃Good afternoon boys。〃
The voice was oddly familiar； but oddly different。 It had a matriarchal twang。 It announced itself to the crew as they arrived at the airlock hatchway that would let them out on the planet surface。
They looked at each other in puzzlement。
〃It's the puter；〃 explained Zaphod。 〃I discovered it had an emergency back…up personality that I thought might work out better。〃
〃Now this is going to be your first day out on a strange new planet；〃 continued Eddie's new voice； 〃so I want you all wrapped up snug and warm； and no playing with any naughty bug…eyed monsters。〃
Zaphod tapped impatiently on the hatch。
〃I'm sorry；〃 he said； 〃I think we might be better off with a slide rule。〃
〃Right！〃 snapped the puter。 〃Who said that？〃
〃Will you open the exit hatch please； puter？〃 said Zaphod trying not to get angry。
〃Not until whoever said that owns up；〃 urged the puter； stamping a few synapses closed。
〃Oh God；〃 muttered Ford； slumped against a bulkhead and started to count to ten。 He was desperately worried that one day sentient life forms would forget how to do this。 Only by counting could humans demonstrate their independence of puters。
〃e on；〃 said Eddie sternly。
〃puter。。。〃 began Zaphod。。。
〃I'm waiting；〃 interrupted Eddie。 〃I can wait all day if necessary。。。〃
〃puter。。。〃 said Zaphod again； who had been trying to think of some subtle piece of reasoning to put the puter down with； and had decided not to bother peting with it on its own ground； 〃if you don't open that exit hatch this moment I shall zap straight off to your major data banks and reprogram you with a very large axe； got that？〃
Eddie； shocked； paused and considered this。 Ford carried on counting quietly。 This is about the most aggressive thing you can do to a puter； the equivalent of going up to a human being and saying Blood。。。 blood。。。 blood。。。 blood。。。
Finally Eddie said quietly； 〃I can see this relationship is something we're all going to have to work at；〃 and the hatchway opened。
An icy wind ripped into them； they hugged themselves warmly and stepped down the ramp on to the barren dust of Magrathea。
〃It'll all end in tears； I know it；〃 shouted Eddie after them and closed the hatchway again。
A few minutes later he opened and closed the hatchway again in response to a mand that caught him entirely by surprise。
Chapter 20
Five figures wandered slowly over the blighted land。 Bits of it were dullish grey； bits of it dullish brown； the rest of it rather less interesting to look at。 It was like a dried…out marsh； now barren of all vegetation and covered with a layer of dust about an inch thick。 It was very cold。
Zaphod was clearly rather depressed about it。 He stalked off by himself and was soon lost to sight behind a slight rise in the ground。
The wind stung Arthur's eyes and ears； and the stale thin air clasped his throat。 However； the thing stung most was his mind。
〃It's fantastic。。。〃 he said； and his own voice rattled his ears。 Sound carried badly in this thin atmosphere。
〃Desolate hole if you ask me；〃 said Ford。 〃I could have more fun in a cat litter。〃 He felt a mounting irritation。 Of all the planets in all the star systems of all the Galaxy … didn't he just have to turn up at a dump like this after fifteen years of being a castaway？ Not even a hot dog stand in evidence。 He stooped down and picked up a cold clot of earth； but there was nothing underneath it worth crossing thousands of light years to look at。
〃No；〃 insisted Arthur； 〃don't you understand； this is the first time I've actually stood on the surface of another planet。。。 a whole alien world。。。！ Pity it's such a dump though。〃
Trillian hugged herself； shivered and frowned。 She could have sworn she saw a slight and unexpected movement out of the corner of her eye； but when she glanced in that direction all she could see was the ship； still and silent； a hundred yards or so behind them。
She was relieved when a second or so later they caught sight of Zaphod standing on top of the ridge of ground and waving to them to e and join him。
He seemed to be excited； but they couldn't clearly hear what he was saying because of the thinnish atmosphere and the wind。
As they approached the ridge of higher ground they became aware that it seemed to be circular … a crater about a hundred and fifty yards wide。 Round the outside of the crater the sloping ground was spattered with black and red lumps。 They stopped and looked at a piece。 It was wet。 It was rubbery。
With horror they suddenly realized that it was fresh whalemeat。
At the top of the crater's lip they met Zaphod。
〃Look；〃 he said； pointing into the crater。
In the centre lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn't lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot。 The silence was only disturbed by the slight involuntary spasms of Trillian's throat。
〃I suppose there's no point in trying to bury it？〃 murmured Arthur； and then wished he hadn't。
〃e；〃 said Zaphod and started back down into the crater。
〃What； down there？〃 said Trillian with severe distaste。
〃Yeah；〃 said Zaphod； 〃e on； I've got something to show you。〃
〃We can see it；〃 said Trillian。
〃Not that；〃 said Zaphod； 〃something else。 e on。〃
They all hesitated。
〃e on；〃 insisted Zaphod； 〃I've found a way in。〃
〃In？〃 said Arthur in horror。
〃Into the interior of the planet！ An underground passage。 The force of the whale's impact cracked it open； and that's where we have to go。 Where no man has trod these five million years； into the very depths of time itself。。。〃
Marvin started his ironical humming again。 Zaphod hit him and he shut up。 With little shudders of disgust they all followed Zaphod down the incline into the crater； trying very hard not to look at its unfortunate creator。
〃Life；〃 said Marvin dolefully； 〃loathe it or ignore it； you can't like it。〃
The ground had caved in where the whale had hit it revealing a network of galleries and passages； now largely obstructed by collapsed rubble and entrails。 Zaphod had made a start clearing a way into one of them； but Marvin was able to do it rather faster。 Dank air wafted out of its dark recesses； and as Zaphod shone a torch into it； little was visible in the dusty gloom。
〃According to the legends；〃 he said； 〃the Magratheans lived most of their lives underground。〃
〃Why's that？〃 said Arthur。 〃Did the surface bee too polluted or overpopulated？〃
〃No； I don't think so；〃 said Zaphod。 〃I think they just didn't like it very much。〃
〃Are you sure you know what you're doing？〃 said Trillian peering nervously into the darkness。 〃We've been attacked once already you know。〃
〃Look kid； I promise you the live population of this planet is nil plus the four of us； so e on； let's get on in there。 Er； hey Earthman。。。〃
〃Arthur；〃 said Arthur。
〃Yeah could you just sort of keep this robot with you and guard this end of the passageway。 OK？〃
〃Guard？〃 said Arthur。 〃What from？ You just said there's no one here。〃
〃Yeah； well； just for safety； OK？〃 said Zaphod。
〃Whose？ Yours or mine？〃
〃Good lad。 OK； here we go。〃
Zaphod scrambled down into the passage； followed by Trillian and Ford。
〃Well I hope you all have a really miserable time；〃 plained Arthur。
〃Don't worry；〃 Marvin assured him； 〃they will。〃
In a few seconds they had disappeared from view。 Arthur stamped around in a huff； and then decided that a whale's graveyard is not on the whole a good place to stamp around in。
Marvin eyed him balefully for a moment； and then turned himself off。