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o do it on purpose； eyes open
and not… to regret it afterwards。 I have enormous respect for your taste and judgment； I know you won't cause a scandal or upset the children。'〃
She paused； then went on： 〃Brian knows me； Theodore…I really am a firecraulcer； and I've never understood why some women don't like it。 My own mother… Nine children and she told me on my wedding day that it was something women …had to put up with for the privilege of having babies。〃 …
Mrs。 Smith snorted。 〃'Put up with！' Theodore； I was not…a virgin when Brian first had me。 Nor had I let him think so； I told him the truth the day I met him 。 。 and two minutes after he took my bloomers off he knew it through having me。
…。。Theodore； I broke my maidenhead three years before I met Brian…on purpose； I've never been a flirt…and told； not my mother； but my father； because I trusted him； we've always been close。 Father didn't scold me； didn't even tell me not to do it again。 He said he knew that I would do it again but hoped tbat I would take his advice and let him keep me out of trouble…and I have and it did。
〃But that first time； when I came to him； Scared and ready
… to cry…it had hurt； Theodore； and wasn't the thrill I had expected…that time Father just sighed and locked the door and had me get on his surgery table and examined me and assured me that I hadn't been damaged…and I felt much better！… and fold me that I was as healthy a woman …as be had ever
examined and would have babies with no tr~uble…and that
… made me feel smug…and Father was right； I have …babies easily and don't yell…or not much。 Not the way Mother used to。
〃After that； Father examined me from time to time。 Doctors don't ordinarily treat their female relatives； not for female things。 But Father was the only doctor I dared tell。 So Father helped me with my problems and got me all over any shyness about being looked at there or anywhere。 Not that I was ever too shy； he told me that sort of modesty was dadratted nonsense…when Mother was telling me… the exact opposite。 I believed him； didn't believe her。 …
〃But I was telling you what Brian said to me in bed that night。 Brian added； 'I want you to promise one thing； Pussycat。 If you find that you haven't kept your legs crossed； will you keep it to yourself until this war is over？ I will do the same if I have something to confess…and I might！ Let's not worry each other more than we have to until the Kaiser is taken care of。 Then when I e home； I'll take you to the Ozarks…leave the children home with someone； just us two… and you won't see anything but the ceiling while we get caught up； and also catch up on anything we need to talk about。 Is it a bargain； my darling？
〃I promised； Theodore。 I didn't promise not to jump the fence； he wouldn't let me promise that。 I promised to be careful…and to save any confessing until the war was won。 I wanted to promise that much because 。 。 he 。 。 might not
e back！〃
Her voice had been steady up to the last。 Then it broke； and he realized that she was crying。 He started to remove his hand and to pull over to the side of the road。 Mrs。 Smith grabbed his hand； pushed it more firmly back between her thighs； and said； 〃No； no； do touch me and don't stop the car！ Or I might rape you。 I don't know why it makes me so pas
… sonate when I let myself remember that Brian might not e back froj~i； the war。 But … it does。 Fve been that way ever since the day we declared war。 。 and always… have to look serene and calm and unworried。 For the children。 Fo？ Brian。 I haven't Jet Brian see me cry； Theodore。 You have just…now… I suddenly could not help it。 But I would rather you told。 Brian that I tried to seduce you than have …you tell him that。i cried through fear that he might not e back！ … …
〃Mid now I'll stop it。〃 Mrs。 Smith took a kerchief from her purse； wiped her eyes； blew her nose。 〃Don't take me home yet； the children must not see me with my eyes red。〃 …~
Lazarus decided to break cover。 〃I love you； Maureen。〃
〃I love you； Theodore。 In spite of my tears； you have made me happy。 By letting me unburden myself…and I should not have； you are going to war； too。 I feel almost married to you now； by telling you things I haven't been able to talk about with anyone else。 If you had put me on the grass and had me
…it would have been sweet and just what I planned。 But this is even closer。 And sweeter。 A woman can open her body to a man without opening her mind。 I had two babies by Brian
第78节
… before I learned to open my mind to him the way I have to you tonight。〃
〃Perhaps our minds are much alike； Maureen。 Your father thinks we are cousins。〃 …
〃No； he doesn't； darling； he thinks you're my half brother。〃
〃Did he say that？〃
〃And I think so； too。 By things Father did not say； dea…r Theodore。 By how broken up he was when he misunderstood you about your intention to enlist。 By the way he insisted that we must claim a service star for you。 I feel sure he is right
and I want to believe it。 Yes； that makes what I tried to do to you dreadfully sinful in some people's eyes。 Incest。 I did not care a whit。 Since I'm pregnant； it could not possibly cause harm to a baby 。 。 and that's the only thing that could make incest wrong。〃 …
（How to tell her？ How much to tell her？ But I must make her believe me。） 〃Your church would call it sinful。〃
〃I don't give a fig for the church！ Theodore； I'm not devout； I'm a freethinker； like Father。 Church is a good atmosphere for children…and gives me a proper appearance as a respectable wife and mother…that's all！ 'Sin' would not stop me； I don't believe in sin the way the church means it。 Sex isn't sin； sex is never sin。 What would stop me would be a chance of getting pregnant by someone other than Brian…but I am pregnant。 That you are my half brother didn't cause … me a woment's fret； it just made me more anxious to tell you a warrior's good…bye。〃
… 〃Maureen； I'm not your half brother。〃
〃Are you sure？ Even if you're not； you are still my warrior
…I was as proud as Father when you volunteered。〃
〃I'm your warrior； be sure of that。 But 1 need to know something。 This man Nancy may marry… Is he a Howard？'
〃What did you say？〃
〃Is he on the approved list of the Ira Howard Foundation？〃
He heard her catch her breath。 〃Where did you hear of the Foundation？' …
〃'Life is short…'〃… …
〃'But the years are long；' 〃 she answered。
'Not 〃While the Evil Days e Not。〃'〃
〃Goodness！ I… I think…I'm going to cry again！〃
〃Stop it。 What is the young man's name？〃
…〃Jonathan Weatheral。〃
〃…of the Weatheral…Sperling line。 Yes； I remember。 …Maureen； I am… not 'Ted Bronson。' I am Lazarus Long of the Johnson Family。 Your family。 I am descended from you。〃
For …several moments she seemed not to breathe。 Then she said softly； 〃I think I am losing my mind。〃 …
〃No； my gallant love； you have as strong and sane a mind as I have ever met。 Let me explain because I… must tell you
… something and you must believe me。 Have you read a novel by Mr。 Herbert George Wells called The… Time Machine？〃
〃Why； yes。 Father has a copy。〃
〃That's me； Maureen。 Captain Lazarus Long； Time Traveler。〃 …
〃But that book… I thought it was just a 。 。 a…〃 〃Just a story。 It is。 But it won't stay that way。 Oh； not quite
the way Mr。 Wells visualized it。 But that's what I am； a visitor from a future time。 I didn't intend to let anyone suspect this； that's why I claimed to be a foundling。 Not only is it hard to psove； but any attempt would interfere with my purpose
…which is simply to visit this time and observe it。 Might even
… get … me locked up as crazy。 So I've been careful to keep my mask … on； as… careful as…well； as you are； In talking to those
… Simpsons。 In not letting your children see you cry。 You and I do it the same way。 Audacity 。 。 plus never telling lies we can be caught in。〃
〃Theodore； I think you believe this。〃
〃Meaning that I sound sincere but must be crazy。〃 〃No； no； dear； I… Yes； that's what I meant。 I'm sorry；〃 〃No reason to be sorry； it does sound crazy。 But I'm not
afraid that you will have me sent to St。 Joe； I'm as safe… with you as you are with me。 But I must find some way to convince… you that I am telling the truth 。 。 because I am about
… to tell you something you must believe。 Or I have dropped~ mymask to no point。〃 …
He stopped to think。 How to prove it？ ome prediction？ It would have to be very short range to… serve the only purpose he had in breaking cover。 But he hadn't briefed himself on
this year； he hadn't intended to arrtve until 1919 and kneu so little about the years before 1919 that he had even mixel up the date that the United States got into … this war。 Lazarus damn your sloppy ways； the next time you make a time tril you're going to memorize everything about the era thai
… Athene can give you…and a wide margin on both sides！
Woodie's memories were no help； Lazarus did not ever recall having been taken to Electric Park by a sergeant ir uniform。 Self…centered brat！ Electric Park he remembered Woodie Smith had gone there many times。 But no visit stooc out in his mind。 …
〃Maureen； maybe you can think of some way I can provc to you that I'm from the future…something that will con vince you。 But this is why I had to tell you： Brian…your hus~ band； my ancestor…will e back unharmed。 He's going tc go through battles。 Shells will fall around him； shots wif whistle past his ears…but none will touch him。〃
Mrs。 Smi~gasped。 Then she said slowly； 〃Theodore h~doyouk~v1〃
〃Because you two are my ancestors。 I couldn't memorize the Foundation's records on all the Howards …of today but I did study the files on my own ancestors； ones I might have a chance to meet。 You。 Brian。 Brian's parents in Cincinnati。 And I figured out that Brian must have met you because he had attended Rolla； then found you on a Missouri list of eligibles…not the Ohio list…that the Foundation gave him。 That's certainly something I didn't learn from you or Brian or Ira； and your children probably don't know it。 Well； perhaps Nancy does； she's fflle4 out her own questionnaire。 Hasn't she？〃
〃Why； yes； months ago。 Then it is true； Theodore。 Or should I call you 'Lazarus'？〃
〃Call me anything~you like； darling。 But I still haven't proved anything。 Just that I have had access to the Foundation's files…which might have been last year； not in the future。 We're still looking for proof。 Mmm 。 。 I know a proof for a few months from now…but I must make you believe me tonight。 So you will have no more tears on your pillow。 And I don't know how。〃
He caressed her thighs； tpuched her curls。 〃Here inside you is proof that won't show up in time。 This last baby Brian put into your sweet belly… He's a boy； dearest ancestress； and you and Brian will name him 'Theodore Ira'…whi~h~ flatters me enormously。 When I read his name in the records； I didn't
… know that he was my namesake；…as I hadn't picked my assumed name then。〃
She squeezed his hand with her thighs and sighed。 〃I want to believe you。 But suppose Brian wants to name him Joseph？ Or Josephine？〃
〃'Josephine' is not a name for a boy。 Darling； Brian will name his war baby for the other two stars on your service flag； this war means a lot to him。 He'll probably suggest it himself
…I don't know。 I just know that 'Theodore Ira' is the name you will register with the… Foundation。 My other ancestors… Adele Johnson； of course； your mother and Ira's wife。 Lives in St。 Louis。 Left him around the time you got married but didn't divorce him…which probably irked him； I don't think Ira is a man to be celibate simply because his wife leaves but won't turn him loose。〃
〃He's not； dear。 I'm certain Father has a…well； a ？istress； and goes to