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〃Trying to trap me； huh？ Hmm… Ira； suppose I offer you a Scheherazade deal in reverse。〃
〃I don't understand。〃
〃is Scheherazade lost at last？ Did Sir Richard Burton live in vain？〃
〃Oh； no； sir！ I have read The Thousand Nights and a Night in the Burton original … 。 and her stories have e down through the centuries； changed again and again to make them understandable to new generations…but with； I think； the flavor retained。 I simply do not un4erstand what you arc proposing。〃
〃I see。 You told me that talking with me is the most important thing you have to do。〃
〃It is。〃
〃I wonder。 …If you mean that； then you will be here every day to keep me pany…and chat。 For I'm not going to bother babbling to your … machine no matter how smart it is。；'
〃Lazarus； I will be not only honored but much pleased to be allowed to keep you pany as long as you will let me。〃
〃We'll see。 When a man makes a sweeping statement； he often has mental reservations。 I mean every day； Son； and all day。 And you…not a deputy。 Show up two' hours after breakfast； say； and stay till I send you home。 But any day you miss… Well； if it's so urgent you just have to miss； phone
…your excuses and send over a pretty girl to visit me。 One who speaks Classic ~nglish but has sense enough to listen in… …
stead…as an old fool will often talk to a pretty girl who just bats her lashes at him and looks impressed。 If she pleases me； I might let her stay。 Or I might be so petulant that I would send her away and use that switch you promised to
have reinstalled。 But I won't suicide in the presence of a guest； that's rude。 Understand me？〃
〃I think I do；〃 Ira Weatheral answered slowly。 〃You'll be both Scheherazade and King Shabryar； and I'll be…no； that's not right； I am the one who has to keep it going for a thousand' nights…I mean 'days'…and if I miss…but I won't！… you are free to…〃
〃Don't push an analogy too far；〃 Lazarus advised。 〃I'm simply calling your bluff。 If my maunderings are as all…fired important to you as you claim； then you'll show up and listen。
… You can skip once； or even twice； if the girl is pretty enough and knows how to tickle my vanity…of which I have plenty… just right。 But if you skip too often； I'll know you're bored and the deal is off。 I'm betting that your patience will wear out long before any thousand days and a day have passed… whereas I do know … how to be patient； for year after year if necessary； that's a prime reason I'm still alive。 But you're still a youngster； I'm betting I can outsit you。〃
〃I accept the bet。 This girl…if I must be away some day… would you object if I sent one of my daughters？ She's very pretty。〃
〃Hunh？ You sound like an Iskandrian slave factor auctioning his mother。 Why your daughter？ I don't want to marry her； nor even to bed her； I simply want to be amused and flattered。 Who told you she was pretty？ If she really is your daughter； she probably looks like you。〃
〃e off it； Lazarus； you can't annoy me that easily。 I admit to a father's prejudice but I've seen the effect she has on others。 She is quite young； less than eighty； and has been contractually married only once。 But you specified a pretty girl who speaks your milk language。 Scarce。 But this one of ？y daughters shares my talent for languages and is much cx。。 cited by your presence here…wants to meet you。 I can stall off emergencies long enough for her to bee letter…perfect in yoi~ir language。〃
Lazarus grinned and shrugged。 〃Suit yourself。 Tell her not to bother with a chastity girdle； I don't have the energy。 But I'll still win the bet。 Probably without laying eyes on her； it won't take you long to decide that I am an unbearable old bore。 Which I am and have been almost as long as the Wandering JewA~。。a crashing bore if I ever met one…did I tell you I had met him？〃
〃No。 And I don't believe you have。 He's a myth。〃
〃A fat lot you know about it； Son。 I have met him； he is authentic。 Fought the Romans in 70 Al）。 when Jerusalem was
sacked。 Fought in every Crusade…incited one of them。 Redheaded of course； all of the natural long…lifers bear the mark of Gilgamesh。 When I met him he was using the name Sandy Macdougal； that being a better handle for the time and place for his current trade； which was the long con； with a variant on the badger game。 * The latter involved… Look； Ira； if you don't believe my stories； why are you going to so much
… trouble to get them on record？〃 …
〃Lazarus； if you think you can bore me to death…correction： to your death…why are you bothering to invent fictions to entertain me？ Whatever your reasons； I'll listen as carefully…and as long…as King Shahryar。 As may be； my master putbr is recording whatever you choose to say…without ~diting； I guaranteed that…but it has incorporated into it a most subtle truth analyzer quite capable of earmarking any fictions you include。 Not that I care about historicity as long as you will talk 。。。 as it is clear to me that you automatically 'include your evaluations…those 'gems of wisdom'…no matter what you say。〃 …
〃'Gems of wisdom。' Youngster； use … that expression once more and you'll stay after school and clean the blackboards。 That puter of yours… Better instruct it that my most outlandish tales are the ones most likely to be true…as that is the literal truth。 No storyteller has ever been able to dream up anything as fantastically unlikely as what really does happen in this mad Universe。〃
〃It knows that。 But I will caution it again。 You were telling me about Sandy Macdougal； the Wandering Jew。〃
〃Was I？ If so and if he was using that name； that must have been late in the twentieth century and in Vancouver； as I recall。 Vancouver was a part of the United States where the people were so clever that they never paid taxes to Washington…Sandy should have operated in New York； which was outstanding in stupidity even then。 I won't give details of his swindles； it might corrupt your machine。 Let it suffice that
* While this passage bears inner contradictions； the idioms are authentic for North America of the twentieth century。
…They name certain types of financial dishonesty。 See 〃Swindies〃 under 〃Fraud〃 in Krishnamurti's New Golden Bough； Academe Press； New Rome。
J。F。 45th…
Sandy used the oldest principle for separating a fool from his money： Pick a sucker who likes the bert of it。
… 〃That's all it takes； Ira。 If a man is……greedy； you can cheat him … every time。 Trouble was； Sandy Macdougal was even greedier than his marks； and it led him into the folly； of excess； and often forced him to leave town while it was dark； sometimes leaving the boodle behind。 Ira； when you skin a man； you have to let him recuperate and grow more hide…or he gets nervous。 If you respect this simple rule； a real mark can be skinned over and over again； and it just keeps him healthy and productive。 But Sandy was too greedy for that； he lacked patience。〃 …
〃Lazarus； you sound as if you had great experience in this art。〃
〃Now； Ira…a little respect； please。 I have never swindled a man。 At most I kept quiet and let him swindle himself。 This does no harm； as a fool cannot be protected from his folly。 If you attempt to do so； you will not only arouse his animosity but also you will be attempting to deprive him of whatever benefit he is capable of deriving fro？ experience。 Never attempt to teach a pig to sing； it wastes your time and annoys the pig。 …
〃But I do know a lot about； swindles。 I think that every major variation of every possible swindle has been tried on me； one time and another。
〃Some of them worked； back when I was very young； Then I took Grampaw Johnson's advice and quit looking for the best of it； thereafter I could no longer be swindled。 But I was not capable of benefiting from Gramp's advice until I was burned a few times。 Ira； it's getting late。〃
The Chairman Pro Tern promptly stood up。 〃So it is； sir。 May I ask two questions before I leave？ Not for your memoirs； procedural questions only。〃
〃Make it short and snappy。〃
〃You'll have your termination…option switch tomorrow morning。 But you spoke of not feeling well； and there is no need for that even if you choose to terminate in the near future。 Shall we resume the rejuvenatipn procedures？〃
〃Hmmm。 Second question？〃
〃~I promised to do my best to find something brana…new to interest you。 I promised also to spend every day here with you。 I see conflict。〃
Lazarus grinned。 〃Don't kid your old Grampaw； Son； you'll delegate that research。〃
〃Certainly。 But I must plan how to start it； then review progress at intervals； and suggest new avenues to explore。〃
〃Mmm 。 … if I consent to the full course； I'll be out of circulation a day or two every now and then。〃
〃I believe current practice calls for one day of deep rest approximately each week； varied to suit the client's condition。 My own experience is about a hundred years back； I understand there have been improvements。 You've decided to take it； sir？〃 …
〃I'll tell you tomorrow…after that switch is installed。 …Ira； I don't make； decisions in haste that don't call for haste。 But i；f I consent； you'll have free time to use as you see fit。 G'night； Ira。〃
〃Good night； Lazarus。 I hope you decide to accept it。〃 Weatheral turned toward the door； stopped halfway there； and spoke to the technicians…who left the room at once。 The dining table scurried after them。 Once the door had shut down Weatheral turned and faced Lazarus Long。 〃Grandfather；〃 he said softly； his voice somewhat choked。 〃Uh…may I？〃
Lazarus had let his chair sink back into a reclining couch that held him； hammocklike； as tenderly as a mother's arms。 At the younger man's words he raised his head。 〃Huh？ What？ Oh！ All right； all right； e here…Grandson。〃 He reached out one arm to Weatheral。
The Chairman Pro Tern hurried to him； took Lazarus' hand； dropped to his knees and kissed it。
Lazarus snatched his hand back。 〃For Pete's sake！ Don't kneel to me…don't ever do that。 If you want to be my grandson； treat me as such。 Not that way。〃
〃Yes； Grandfather。〃 Weatheral got to his feet； leaned over the old man； and kissed his mouth。
Lazarus patted his cheek。 〃You're a sentimentalist； Grandson。 But a good boy。 Trouble is； there never has been much demand for good boys。 Now get that solemn expression off your face and go home and get a good night's rest。〃
〃Yes； Grandfather。 I will。 Good night。〃
〃Good night。 Now beat it。〃
Weatheral left quickly。 The technicians jumped aside as he came out； then went back into the suite。 Weatheral continued on； ignoring people around him bu； with a softer； gentler expression on his face than was his wont。 He went past a bank of transports to the Director's private transport； it opened to his voice； then conveyed him quickly into the bowels of the city and directly to the Executive Palace。
32
Lazarus looked up as 'his attendants came back in； be motioned the taller one to him。 The technician's voice； filtered and distorted by the helmet； said carefully； 〃Bed 。 。 。 sir？〃
〃No； I want…〃 Lazarus paused； then spoke to the air。 〃puter？ Can you speak？ If not； print it out。〃
〃I hear you； Senior；〃 a mellifluous； contralto voice answered。 〃Tell this nurse that I want whatever they are allowed to give me for pain。 I have work to do。〃 …
〃Yes； Senior。〃 The disembodied voice shifted to Lingua Galacta； was answered in kind； then went on： 〃Master Chief Tech？ician on duty wishes to know the nature and location of your pain； and adds that you should not work tonight。〃
Lazarus kept silent while he counted ten chimpanzees in his mind。 Then he said softly； 〃Damn it； I hurt everywhere。 And I don't want advice from a child。 I have loose ends to tidy up before I sleep 。 。 because one never knows that one will wake up again。 Forget the painkiller； it ain't all that important。 Tel