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I could instantly ， like a true and noble knight ， draw my sword， and
deliver my prince from the long and painful languor of a living death ，
and dismiss my own soul to follow the demigod whom my hand had set free！
OCTOBER 19。 Alas！ the void the fearful void， which I feel in my
bosom ！ Sometimes I think， if I could only once but once， press her
to my heart ， this dreadful void would be filled。
OCTOBER 26。 Yes ， I feel certain ， Wilhelm， and every day I bee
more certain， that the existence of any being whatever is of very little
consequence。 A friend of Charlotte's called to see her just now。 I withdrew
into a neighbouring apartment ， and took up a book ； but， finding I
could not read， I sat down to write。 I heard them converse in an undertone
： they spoke upon indifferent topics ， and retailed the news of the
town。 One was going to be married ； another was ill， very ill ， she
had a dry cough ， her face was growing thinner daily ， and she had occasional
fits。 〃N—— is very unwell too ，〃 said Charlotte。 〃His limbs begin to
swell already ，〃 answered the other； and my lively imagination carried
me at once to the beds of the infirm。 There I see them struggling against
death ， with all the agonies of pain and horror； and these women， Wilhelm，
talk of all this with as much indifference as one would mention the death
of a stranger。 And when I look around the apartment where I now am——
when I see Charlotte's apparel lying before me， and Albert's writings，
and all those articles of furniture which are so familiar to me ， even
to the very inkstand which I am using ，—— when I think what I am to
this family —— everything。 My friends esteem me ； I often contribute
to their happiness， and my heart seems as if it could not beat without
them； and yet—— if I were to die ， if I were to be summoned from the
midst of this circle， would they feel—— or how long would they feel
the void which my loss would make in their existence？ How long ！ Yes，
such is the frailty of man， that even there， where he has the greatest
consciousness of his own being， where he makes the strongest and most
forcible impression ， even in the memory ， in the heart ， of his beloved，
there also he must perish ，—— vanish ，—— and that quickly。
OCTOBER 27。 I could tear open my bosom with vexation to think how
little we are capable of influencing the feelings of each other。 No one
can municate to me those sensations of love， joy， rapture， and delight
which I do not naturally possess； and， though my heart may glow with
the most lively affection ， I cannot make the happiness of one in whom
the same warmth is not inherent。
OCTOBER 27： Evening。 I possess so much ， but my love for her absorbs
it all。 I possess so much ， but without her I have nothing。
OCTOBER 30。 One hundred times have I been on the point of embracing
her。 Heavens！ what a torment it is to see so much loveliness passing
and repassing before us ， and yet not dare to lay hold of it ！ And laying
hold is the most natural of human instincts。 Do not children touch everything
they see？ And I！
NOVEMBER 3。 Witness ， Heaven ， how often I lie down in my bed with
a wish， and even a hope， that I may never awaken again。 And in the morning，
when I open my eyes ， I behold the sun once more ， and am wretched。
If I were whimsical ， I might blame the weather， or an acquaintance ，
or some personal disappointment ， for my discontented mind ； and then
this insupportable load of trouble would not rest entirely upon myself。
But ， alas ！ I feel it too sadly。 I am alone the cause of my own woe，
am I not？ Truly， my own bosom contains the source of all my sorrow，
as it previously contained the source of all my pleasure。 Am I not the
same being who once enjoyed an excess of happiness， who， at every step，
saw paradise open before him， and whose heart was ever expanded toward
the whole world ？ And this heart is now dead ， no sentiment can revive
it； my eyes are dry； and my senses， no more refreshed by the influence
of soft tears ， wither and consume my brain。 I suffer much ， for I have
lost the only charm of life ： that active， sacred power which created
worlds around me，—— it is no more。 When I look from my window at the
distant hills ， and behold the morning sun breaking through the mists，
and illuminating the country around ， which is still wrapped in silence，
whilst the soft stream winds gently through the willows ， which have
shed their leaves ； when glorious nature displays all her beauties before
me， and her wondrous prospects are ineffectual to extract one tear of
joy from my withered heart， I feel that in such a moment I stand like
a reprobate before heaven ， hardened ， insensible ， and unmoved。 Oftentimes
do I then bend my knee to the earth ， and implore God for the blessing
of tears， as the desponding labourer in some scorching climate prays
for the dews of heaven to moisten his parched corn。 But I feel that God
does not grant sunshine or rain to our importunate entreaties。 And oh ，
those bygone days ， whose memory now torments me ！ why were they so
fortunate ？ Because I then waited with patience for the blessings of
the Eternal ， and received his gifts with the grateful feelings of a
thankful heart。
NOVEMBER 8。 Charlotte has reproved me for my excesses ， with so much
tenderness and goodness ！ I have lately been in the habit of drinking
more wine than heretofore。 〃Don't do it ，〃 she said。 〃Think of Charlotte！
〃 〃Think of you ！〃 I answered； 〃need you bid me do so ？ Think of you
—— I do not think of you： you are ever before my soul！ This very morning
I sat on the spot where ， a few days ago ， you descended from the carriage，
and ——〃 She immediately changed the subject to prevent me from pursuing
it farther。 My dear friend， my energies are all prostrated ： she can
do with me what she pleases。
NOVEMBER 15。 I thank you， Wilhelm， for your cordial sympathy， for
your excellent advice ； and I implore you to be quiet。 Leave me to my
sufferings。 In spite of my wretchedness ， I have still strength enough
for endurance。 I revere religion—— you know I do。 I feel that it can
impart strength to the feeble and fort to the afflicted， but does
it affect all men equally ？ Consider this vast universe： you will see
thousands for whom it has never existed ， thousands for whom it will
never exist ， whether it be preached to them ， or not ； and must it，
then， necessarily exist for me ？ Does not the Son of God himself say
that they are his whom the Father has given to him？ Have I been given
to him？ What if the Father will retain me for himself， as my heart sometimes
suggests？ I pray you ， do not misinterpret this。 Do not extract derision
from my harmless words。 I pour out my whole soul before you。 Silence were
otherwise preferable to me， but I need not shrink from a subject of which
few know more than I do myself。 What is the destiny of man， but to fill
up the measure of his sufferings， and to drink his allotted cup of bitterness？
And if that same cup proved bitter to the God of heaven ， under a human
form， why should I affect a foolish pride， and call it sweet？ Why should
I be ashamed of shrinking at that fearful moment， when my whole being
will tremble between existence and annihilation ， when a remembrance
of the past ， like a flash of lightning， will illuminate the dark gulf
of futurity ， when everything shall dissolve around me ， and the whole
world vanish away ？ Is not this the voice of a creature oppressed beyond
all resource， self…deficient ， about to plunge into inevitable destruction，
and groaning deeply at its inadequate strength， 〃My God！ my God ！ why
hast thou forsaken me ？〃 And should I feel ashamed to utter the same
expression？ Should I not shudder at a prospect which had its fears ，
even for him who folds up the heavens like a garment？
NOVEMBER 21。 She does not feel， she does not know， that she is preparing
a poison which will destroy us both ； and I drink deeply of the draught
which is to prove my destruction。 What mean those looks of kindness with
which she often —— often？ no ， not often， but sometimes， regards
me， that placency with which she hears the involuntary sentiments
which frequently escape me， and the tender pity for my sufferings which
appears in her countenance？
Yesterday ， when I took leave she seized me by the hand， and said，
〃Adieu， dear Werther。〃 Dear Werther！ It was the first time she ever
called me dear： the sound sunk deep into my heart。 I have repeated it
a hundred times ； and last night ， on going to bed， and talking to
myself of various things， I suddenly said， 〃Good night， dear Werther
！〃 and then could not but laugh at myself。
NOVEMBER 22。 I cannot pray， 〃Leave her to me ！〃 and yet she often
seems to belong to me。 I cannot pray， 〃Give her to me！〃 for she is another's。
In this way I affect mirth over my troubles ； and， if I had time， I
could pose a whole litany of antitheses。
NOVEMBER 24。 She is sensible of my sufferings。 This morning her look
pierced my very soul。 I found her alone ， and she was silent ： she steadfastly
surveyed me。 I no longer saw in her face the charms of beauty or the fire
of genius ： these had disappeared。 But I was affected by an expression
much more touching， a look of the deepest sympathy and of the softest
pity。 Why was I afraid to throw myself at her feet？ Why did I not dare
to take her in my arms， and answer her by a thousand kisses？ She had
recourse to her piano for relief， and in a low and sweet voice acpanied
the music with delicious sounds。 Her lips never appeared so lovely： they
seemed but just to open ， that they might imbibe the sweet tones which
issued from the instrument， and return the heavenly vibration from her
lovely mouth。 Oh！ who can express my sensations？ I was quite overe，
and ， bending down ， pronounced this vow： 〃Beautiful lips， which the
angels guard， never will I seek to profane your purity with a kiss。〃
And yet ， my friend， oh ， I wish —— but my heart is darkened by doubt
and indecision—— could I but taste felicity ， and then die to expiate
the sin ！ What sin ？
NOVEMBER 26。 Oftentimes I say to myself ， 〃Thou alone art wretched
： all other mortals are happy， none are distressed like thee！〃 Then
I read a passage in an ancient poet ， and I seem to understand my own
heart。 I have so much to endure ！ Have men before me ever been so wretched？
NOVEMBER 30。 I shall never be myself again！ Wherever I go， some
fatality occurs to distract me。 Even to…day alas—— for our destiny！
alas for human nature ！
About dinner…time I went to walk by the river…side， for I had no
appetite。 Everything around seemed gloomy ： a cold and damp easterly
wind blew from the mountains， and black， heavy clouds spread over the
plain。 I observed at a distance a man in a tattered coat： he was wandering
among the rocks ， and seemed to be looking for plants。 When I approached，
he turned round at the noise； and I saw that he had an interesting countenance
in which a settled melancholy ， strongly marked by benevolence ， formed
the principal feature。 His long black hair was divided， and flowed over
his shoulders。 As his garb betokened a person of the lower order， I thought
he would not take it ill if I inquired about his business ； and I therefore
asked what he was seeking。 He replied ， with a deep sigh ， that he was
looking for flowers ， and could find none。 〃But it is not the season ，
〃 I observed， with a smile。 〃Oh， there are so many flowers！〃 he answered，
as he came nearer to me。 〃In my garden there are roses and honeysuckles
of two sorts： one sort was given to me by my father！ they grow as plentifully
as weeds； I have been looking for them these two days， and cannot find
them。 There are flowers out there ， yellow ， blue ， and red； and that
centaury has a very pretty blossom： but I can find none of them。〃 I observed
his peculiarity ， and therefore asked him， with an air of indiffere