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〃I think it is insane；〃 my sister announced； being serious。〃But I think you would regret it the rest of your life if you did not go。〃
She leaned forward； intent on what she was going to say。 〃In a way； I'm jealous of you； Amalric。 A jealousy that makes me angry at all men。 When I was a girl； I dreamed of such adventure。 But I quickly learned my sex doomed me at birth。 I could marry and bear children for some pig of a husband who would mand every moment of my time。 I could be a concubine； which considering my tastes； would be an equal hell。 Although even that would have been denied me； since I am the daughter of a noble family。 Thank the gods I was born with the Antero gift for athletics and a loving father and mother understanding enough to allow me to enter the Maranon Guard。 Believe me； I prefer this boredom to any other offered to my sisters in this city。〃
〃So you will press my cause with our father？〃 I asked。
〃I will。 But for a reason much deeper than satisfying a youthful wanderlust。 If you are successful； you will strike a blow for the entire Antero family。 And we can end these whispers about us that emanate from the Council of Evocators。 Halab will not be revenged。 But at least our poor brother will sleep in peace。〃
〃I thought I saw his ghost the other night at a tavern；〃 I said。 〃The night I met Janos。 He smiled at me。 And raised his thumb in encouragement。〃
〃An excellent omen；〃 my sister said。 〃Halab's ghost must have suspected what was going to happen。〃
A long silence fell。 It was always thus when Halab's name was mentioned。 It had been his bad luck to lead the family into the path of the Evocators。 It was his worse luck to be born with an Evocator's talent。 As a child； he was seer enough to frighten the maids with predictions of unwanted pregnancies that proved true。 Rali confessed once that Halab had known in advance our mother was to die； and spent six months in silent mourning before that event came about。
I remember only a few boy's tricks he played to amuse or soothe me。 I had had a pet ferret I carried everywhere。 It lived and dined in my pocket and slept by my pillow at night。 My pet sickened and died。 This was shortly after my mother's death； so the loss was an awful blow for one so young。 I mourned so deeply I grew ill myself and almost died of a fever。 But Halab dug the ferret up from the garden grave I'd buried it in。 I remember wakening to his chants。 He was sitting on the floor by my bed； dangling the withered corpse of the tiny beast over a blue flame licking up from a copper bowl。 I smelled the odor of putrid flesh burning。
Halab sprinkled a powder into the flame； continuing his chant； and suddenly the awful odor became wondrously sweet Then he breathed on the dead animal； twirling it about by its tail。
He placed it on my chest and put my hand on top of the cold body。 〃Breathe on it； Amalric；〃 he said； his voice so gentle I can hear it across time。 I breathed。 And I felt the cold turn to warmth。 Then a stirring。 Then a squeak。 And my pet's nose poked out between my fingers。 I gave a loud cry of joy as its masked face appeared next； little eyes bright with life。 They say my fever broke an hour later。 Within a week I was jumping about as pesky as ever； my little ferret in my pocket。
To this day； when I think of that time； I don't know whether to smile or weep。 We all loved my brother and were in awe of his gifts。 I realize now that for my father； the awe was tempered by trepidation。 My brother was intent on being an Evocator。 He wanted the knowledge only they could teach。 But his desire for these powers went at cross purposes to the politics of the times。 My brother was an idealist； a romantic who saw his gifts being used to benefit the people of Orissa。 He dreamed of curing the ill and easing the plight of the poor and enslaved。
The Council of Evocators； however； was intent on maintaining its influence over Orissa。 No Magistrate； regardless of the importance or antiquity of his family； could act without its blessing。 No merchant； craftsman； shopkeeper； or courtesan could ply his or her trade without paying the mandated tithe。 My brother was honest and open in his ambition。 It was only with great reluctance that the Evocators agreed to consider accepting him into their pany。 They tested him more thoroughly； my sister told me； than most。 And they were rude in their questioning； as if he were of low or questionable birth。
The Evocators rejected him； saying he had failed。 But Halab was not to be discouraged。 He demanded the ultimate test： Trial by Ordeal。 The entire city； I was told； was abuzz when that day approached。 My brother had refused to accept the wisdom of the Council and chose to take his case directly to the gods。 The details of the trial were secret； but all knew that failure meant death。 He entered the temple that day…and never returned。 The Evocators sent word he had died。 But there would be no corpse for the family to honor。 No rites performed to ease his passage。 Halab's ghost was doomed to wander a cold limbo world between this life and the next。
It was a high price we all paid for Halab's dreams。 My brothers plained of it frequently in private。 But they were meek men who crept around the shame。 My father also never spoke of it publicly。 Not out of fear for himself； but for his family and the generations to e。 I do know he hated the Evocators。 It was a hate he shared with my sister and myself。
Rali stirred on the couch。 She smiled at me； but I could tell from the weary tilt of her lips； her thoughts had roamed the same gloomy woods as my own。 〃Give me a week；〃 she said。 〃You know how Father dotes on me。 But I'll still need time to work my daughterly wiles。〃
'Take Otara with you when you visit；〃 I advised。 〃He always enjoys her pany。〃
〃Oh； I will。 I will。 But you must promise me one thing； darling brother；〃 she said。
〃Anything。 Name the mountain； and I'll climb it。 The desert； and I'll cross it。 The treasure； and I'll steal it。〃
〃Can you stay out of trouble？〃
〃Much more difficult；〃 I said。 〃But I'll try my best。。。 I promise。〃
〃I AM NOT inclined to favor this expedition；〃 my father said。 His words caught me unprepared。 Rah' had laid the groundwork well； and I had been certain he would approve。
〃You must； Father；〃 I pleaded。 〃I doubt there shall ever be such an opportunity in my lifetime。 Please； you must give me your blessing。〃
〃There is nothing I must do； Amalric；〃 my father replied 〃Except pay my tithes to the Council of Evocators； my taxes to the Magistrates； and a gold coin to the Seeker； to make my passage to the other world painless and swift。 These things； I must do。 Favoring a foolish voyage by a hotheaded stripling of a son is fortunately not a requirement of my existence。〃
〃Forgive me for using that word； Father；〃 I said； chastened。 〃But please tell me what I can say to convince you。 Is it the goal itself you find unworthy？ Do you doubt the existence of the Far Kingdoms？〃 My father only looked at me。 Not angrily； not sternly； but with great weariness。 He did not have to use words to answer。 I remember my father being very old at that time； although I am much older now than he was on that day of confrontation。 His hair was white； close cropped like a helmet； in the manner of his generation。 He had a small； neat beard…also white。 His face was lined and his skin leathered from exposure in his travels。 His hands were larger than most and spotted with age。 But I realize now Paphos Karima Antero…the patriarch of our family…was only a few years past his prime； and the great age I recall is more a view from my own； very tender years。 He seemed so wise； then。 I suppose I viewed him a bit like a god。 So when he fixed me with that look； my heart sank and I felt small and unworthy。 For I saw it was myself who was lacking。 I was the reason the journey to the Far Kingdoms was not to be。
Except for the crackling of the fire in the stone hollow behind my father's desk against the chill only he felt； there was no sound in the room as I considered how to plead my cause。 〃I know I have been a grave disappointment to you； Father；〃 I said at last。 〃My conduct has been unforgivable。 To say I am deeply and truly sorry would be such a weak repayment for my sins that no apology…no matter how abject…should weigh the balance in my favor。〃
My father continued his steady； testing gaze。
'This may appear like a sudden； wild enthusiasm on my part。 And considering my past history； I would also reject my plan； if I were a father with such a son。 But； I beg you； sir； to look into my heart and see the truth that lies there。 I desire nothing more than to please you。 To wipe away all thought of suspicion of my future motives。 To be worthy of the Antero name； so my father can speak proudly in the marketplace。〃 I fell silent； not sure how to proceed。
〃Is that all you have to say？' my father asked； voice harsh。
〃No； sir。 I also wish to make clear that no matter what your decision； I shall accept it without plaint； and I shall do my best to acplish whatever Finding you deem worthy for one such as me。 However； before you firmly shut the door； sir； please consider this。 For most men my age； a Finding is only an excuse to travel and pleasure themselves at their fathers' expense。 No new ground is ever broken。 Knowledge of the world is not expanded。 And our trade routes still bump against the same forces that keep Orissans from achieving their true purpose。 Your generation was the last to push those bounds back； sir。 You； yourself； dared to redraw the maps with your Finding many years ago。 And much of our knowledge of the furthest western regions es from your later trading expeditions。 But you must admit； the tradition of Finding One's Tradewind has bee a mockery in these days。 It is an excuse for the sons of the rich to spend their fathers' money on foreign luxuries and women and wine； out of sight of prudish Orissan eyes。 And they return with nothing but a firsthand knowledge of the best taverns and sporting houses in the civilized world。〃
〃You propose to be different？〃 my father said； dryly。
〃Yes； I do； Father。 For this reason； I ask for no more than a tenth of the funds usually allotted。 This is to be a real Finding； sir。 I will not purchase a fancy wardrobe to impress the courtesans。 Nor do I request coin for an entourage of my friends as is the current custom。 Nor do I desire any of the luxuries such caravans usually carry： fine tents and carpets and pillows to ease the passage； wines and delicacies to soothe the pallet after much barbarian fare； slaves to do all the labor； or women to relieve our passions when local pleasures are denied us。 I intend for this expedition to be as lean and professionally equipped as I can make it。 And with such a small expense there is a good possibility it will be profitable； even if we do not reach our goal。 I further believe； sir； that I was most fortunate in meeting Captain Greycloak； a man whose presence doubly assures success in any such venture。〃
〃What if I approved the Finding； but to a different destination？〃 my father asked。
〃I would do the same in all things； sir；〃 I answered。 〃Except I would not do it so well； because I would not have Captain Greycloak in my pany。 I would be disappointed； to be sure。 But proving to you my worthiness； Father； is more important to me than avoiding disappointment。〃 I stopped； then。 For no other arguments presented themselves。 I braced for his rejection。 Begging Halab's ghost to help me take his refusal well。
There came a tapping at the door。 My father's servant； Tegry； poked his head in。 I saw a small grin of pleasure on his features。 It grew larger when he spied my obvious disfort。 He was chuckling to himself； no doubt； that I was finally to get proper punishment for my actions。
〃What is it？〃 my father asked； testy。 Tegry's grin vanished。 My father's tone was dangerous。
〃You asked to be informed； master； when Captain Greycloak arrived。〃
I was dismayed。 Obviously； my father had asked Janos to attend my final humiliation。 I tried not to be angry because this would be a rudeness to Janos as well。 〃Send him in；〃 my father said。 〃And bring us some wine。 None of that vinegar from the marketplace； mind you。 Fetch a good bottle from my cellar。〃 My gut wrenched as Teg