按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
He was surprised at how good talking felt。 Not since he stopped letting blood from his arm with a razor blade had he felt such a wele sense of release； of poison draining from his system。
He wasn't sure why those two words Zach had spoken … my parents…had opened him like this。 Certainly there had been other kids at the Home who had taken plenty of abuse from their parents； and probably would have told Trevor about it if he had asked。 But those kids had not appeared in the house of his childhood like embodiments of someone he had drawn。 Those kids had not stood their ground and talked him out of 。。。 whatever he had been about to do。 He had never gripped those kids' thin wrists hard enough to leave red impressions of his fingers in the flesh。
And if he had； he doubted they would have stayed around to hear his reasons why。
Trevor's face was hidden behind curtains of long hair； and his voice was so low that Zach had to lean in close to hear it。 Trevor kept sneaking looks at Zach as if to gauge his reaction； but would not look him full in the face。
Slowly the tale unfolded； beginning with the bloody history that had been branded upon the house before Zach was even born。 He would have heard much of this in town soon enough； Trevor said rather bitterly； word was no doubt getting around Missing Mile that the last survivor of the murder family had e home。 He said it just like that； the murder family； as if he knew that was what they would be called in the local legends that must have unfolded around them。 But Trevor's own story got weirder and weirder until hammers were appearing from thin air and drawings were undergoing sinister mutation betwixt hand and page。
Zach kept nodding his encouragement。 He was far too fascinated to let Trevor quit。 Back in his familiar French Quarter； back in his forting little corner of cyberspace； Zach thought he had seen strange things； maybe even done some。 But he had never met anyone who had lived through experiences like this； anyone who had taken such damage and remained among the walking wounded。
Eventually Trevor's flood of words ran down and he sat staring out through the drifting； glistening fronds of the willow。 Through the undergrowth one weathered corner of the house was just visible； paler gray than the threatening afternoon sky。 Zach watched a single raindrop making its way down the knobby ridge of Trevor's spine。 At last Trevor said； 〃I don't know why I told you all that。 You still must think I'm crazy。〃
〃Maybe；〃 Zach told him； 〃but I don't hold it against you。〃
It was obvious no one had ever said such a thing to Trevor before。 He didn't know what to make of it。 He looked wary； then surprised； and finally tried a tentative smile。
Zach thought Trevor might indeed be quite insane； but was developing a healthy respect for him in spite of it。 Terry； Victoria； and Kinsey were fun to hang out with； but if he was going to stay in Missing Mile for any length of time； he wanted Trevor for his first friend。
He'd have to sublimate the attraction； though。 He'd done it before； once he realized that he actually liked someone。 He didn't think it would be a problem： whereas Terry gave off the wrong kind of pheromones； Trevor didn't seem to give off any。 It was as if he had no sexual awareness at all。 Zach caught himself wondering how hard it would be to teach him。
He watched the raindrop finish its navigation of Trevor's spine and disappear beneath the waistband of his jeans。 There was a dusting of the palest golden hair there； slightly damp； right in the hollow of the back 。 。 。
He bit his lip painfully and realized that Trevor was asking him something。 〃Huh？〃
〃I asked what you do。〃
〃Oh。〃 After the raw honesty Trevor had shown him； Zach could not entirely bring himself to lie。 〃Well； I work with puters。〃 With great relief he watched Trevor's eyes glaze over。 It was the look of the willful puter illiterate； plete with the hasty little nod that said that's enough； that's all I need to know； please don't start talking about bits and bytes and drives and megarams and all that inprehensible mop。 Zach had seen that look hundreds of times； weled it。 It meant he wouldn't have to answer any unfortable questions。
He dug into his pocket and found his last prerolled joint； flattened and mauled but more or less intact。 〃Do you mind？〃 he asked。 Trevor shook his head。 Zach produced one of the lighters Leaf had given him and set it afire。
Trevor's nostrils flared as the smoke drifted past his face。 〃I better not；〃 he said when Zach offered him the joint； though Zach saw his fingers twitch as if wanting to reach for it。 〃I smoked some pot yesterday and almost passed out。 I'm not used to it。〃
Zach gathered all his considerable nerve。 〃Want a shotgun？〃
〃What's that？〃
Oh god。 How to explain a shotgun without making it sound like the obvious scam it is？ I'm not going to take this any further； I'm really not； I LIKE him； dammit； but there's no harm in a little innocent frustration。 〃It's； uh； where one person breathes in the smoke and then blows it into the other person's mouth。 See； my lungs filter the smoke before you get it； so it won't be as strong。〃 Yeah； right。 Heavy science gain' down。
Trevor hesitated。 Zach tried not to slip into social…engineering mode； but he thought he could feel the power radiating in great joyous waves through his brain now。 He felt as if he could convince absolutely anybody of absolutely anything。 〃C'mon；〃 he said。 〃Pot's good for you。 It relaxes you； clears out your brain。〃
Trevor eyed the smoldering joint； then shook his head。 〃No； I better not。〃
〃What？〃 Zach couldn't hide his surprise。 He had known Trevor would say yes as surely as he'd known Leaf would give him those damn lighters。 〃Why？〃
Trevor studied Zach's face as intently as anyone ever had； more intently than most of his one…night lovers had done。 Zach felt almost unfortable under the scrutiny of those striking； serious eyes。 〃You really want me to do it； don't you？〃
Zach shrugged； but he felt Trevor had looked straight through his skull to the whorls of his devious； treacherous brain。 〃It's more fun getting stoned with somebody； that's all。〃
Another long searching look。 〃Okay then。 I'll take one。〃 Zach thought Trevor might as well have added； But don't fuck with me too much； hear？ He realized that his heart was beating more rapidly than ever； that his blood was surging and his head felt like a helium balloon ascending fast into an achingly blue； cloudless sky。 No one ever got to him this way； this was the way he liked to make other people feel。
He took a deep hit off the joint； held it in for a second； then leaned over and exhaled a long steady stream of smoke into Trevor's open mouth。 Their lips barely grazed。 Trevor's felt as soft as velvet； as rain。 Ribbons of smoke twined from the corners of their mouths； swathed their heads in an amorphous blue…gray veil。 Zach kept his eyes open and saw that Trevor had closed his； as if being kissed。 His eyelashes were a dark ginger color； the pale parchment of his eyelids shot through with the most delicate lavender tracery of veins。 Zach thought of putting his mouth against those eyelids； of feeling the lashes silky against his lips； the secret caged movement of the eyeball beneath his tongue 。 。 。
。 。 。 and he was doing a damn fine job of sublimating his attraction； wasn't he？
He pulled back； shaken。 Once he decided he wasn't going to be turned on by someone； he just wasn't anymore。 At least that was how it had always been。 He let himself have anyone he wanted unless he had good reason not to want them； and his libido had always paid back by giving him plete control。
Until now。
Trevor lay back on the damp grass and put a hand to his forehead。 Zach saw pine needles snarled in his long hair； fresh dirt under his fingernails； tiny beads of water trapped in the fine hairs around his nipples。
〃So；〃 said Trevor； blowing out his shotgun； 〃how did your parents try to kill you？〃
〃My dad beat the shit out of me for fourteen years。 My mom mostly just used her mouth。〃
〃Why did you stay？〃
Zach shrugged。 〃Nowhere else to go。〃 From the corner of his eye he saw Trevor nod。 〃Sure； I could have run away when I was nine or ten； but there would've been a lifetime of stiff dicks in Town Cars waiting for me。 I waited until I knew I could take care of myself some way besides giving blowjobs。 Then I ran。 Just disappeared into another part of the city。 They never tried to find me。〃
〃What city？〃
Zach hesitated。 He still didn't want to lie to Trevor； but he couldn't start giving different stories to different people。
〃You don't have to tell me if you don't want to。〃
〃New Orleans；〃 Zach said； not even sure why。 〃But don't tell anybody。〃
〃Are you on the run or something？〃
Zach's silence spoke volumes。
〃It's okay；〃 said Trevor。 〃I've been running from this place for seven years。 But you know； you get sick of it after a while。〃
〃Yeah； so you e back and it tries to make you bash people's brains out。〃
Trevor shrugged。 〃I wasn't expecting pany。〃
Zach started laughing。 He couldn't help it。 This guy was so fucked up 。 。 。 but smart； and despite his weird asexuality； entirely too beautiful。 Trevor stared at him for a moment； then tentatively joined in。
They grinned at each other in ganja…swirled camaraderie。 Suddenly Zach found himself wondering again if it mightn't be possible after all to love someone and make love with them too。 Something about such a spontaneous sweet smile on a face that didn't smile too often made him wonder why he had always denied himself the physical pleasure of a person he truly cared for。 Wouldn't it be fun to see someone…all right then； someone like Trevor… smile that way just because Zach knew how to make him feel good？ Maybe even more fun than getting sucked off by a cute； all…but…anonymous stranger in the back room of a convenience store in a state he might never see again？
Probably not。 Probably it would end in cutting words and tears； pain and blame and regret； maybe even blood。 Those were the risks of such a relationship； almost guaranteed。
But where along the line had he decided that he could not take those particular risks； while cheerfully taking… indeed； seeking out…so many others？
Trevor was watching him closely。 He looked as if he wanted to say What are you thinking？ but didn't。 Zach was glad。 He'd always hated that question； it seemed people only asked it of you when you were thinking about something you didn't want to share。
Instead； very hesitantly； Trevor asked； 〃Have we met before？ Do I know you？〃 He frowned as if that weren't precisely the question he wanted to ask； but he could not find the words for the right one。
Zach shook his head。 〃I don't think so。 But 。 。 。〃
〃It feels like we have；〃 Trevor finished for him。
Zach snuffed the half…burnt joint and put it back hi his pocket。 They sat in silence for a few minutes。 Neither wanted to be the first to say too much； to take this strange new notion too far。 Zach mused on how irretrievable words were in the real world。 In many ways he preferred the simplicity of the puter universe； where you could revise and delete things at will； where you acted and the system could only react in certain ways。
But there you ran up against an eventual wall of predictability。 Here the slightest shift in semantics could make a situation run wild； and that appealed to him too。
The rain had nearly stopped。 Now it began to e down harder again； though they were still protected beneath the canopy of branches and vines。 The sky rumbled with nascent thunder； then erupted。 All at once it was pouring。
Zach saw a chance to defuse the awkwardness。 He caught Trevor's arm and pulled him up； noticing how Trevor's flesh seemed to simultaneously cleave to and cringe from his touch。 〃e on！〃 he urged。
〃Where？〃
〃Don't you want a shower？ This is our chance！〃
〃Out here？〃
〃Sure； why not？ Nobody can see us from the road。〃 Zach ducked out from under the curtain of willow fronds and ran to a clear patch in the yard。 He kicked his sneakers off； pulled his shirt over his head； stuck his glasses in his pocket