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but a drug。 In his heart he knew it hadn't made Bobby kill his family any more than the hammer had。
The idea of being drunk still made Trevor feel sick； though。 All he could remember was the stinging scent of whiskey that had surrounded Bobby like a cloud as he watched his five…year…old son drink Seconal； then hugged him goodnight for the last time。
Trevor heard a floorboard creak in the hall； then a closer sound。 The door of his room； which he had pushed to； slowly swinging open。 His body stiffened and his ears strained； he felt his pupils dilating hugely； painfully against the blackness。
〃Trevor？ You still awake？〃
It was Zach。
He thought of not answering； of pretending to be asleep。 He couldn't imagine what Zach wanted now。 But Zach had listened to him this afternoon。
〃I'm awake；〃 he said； and sat up。
〃What was that medicine you gave me？〃
〃Aspirin； like you asked for。〃
〃Are you sure it was aspirin？〃
〃Well； Excedrin。 That's what I always take。〃
〃Oh； god。〃 Zach laughed weakly。 〃That shit has sixty…five milligrams of caffeine in every tablet。 I can't deal with caffeine。〃
〃What happens？〃
〃It hits me like speed。 Bad speed。〃
〃What do you want me to do？〃
〃Nothing。〃 He felt Zach's weight settle onto the edge of the mattress。 〃I'm not gonna be able to sleep for a while； though。 I thought maybe we could talk some more。〃
〃Why？〃
〃Why what？〃
〃Why do you want to talk to me？〃
〃Why shouldn't I？〃
〃I don't understand why you like me。 The first time I ever laid eyes on you； I tried to knock your brains out。 Now I've poisoned you。 How e you're still here？〃
He heard Zach try to laugh。 It came out more like a moan。 〃Just persistent； I guess。〃
〃No。 Really。〃
〃Well 。。。〃 A shudder ran through Zach's body； into the mattress。 〃Do you mind if I stretch out here？〃
〃I guess not。〃
Trevor moved to one side of the bed。 He felt Zach arranging himself on the other side； thought he could feel electricity crackling off Zach's skin。 When Zach's elbow brushed his； it gave Trevor a sensation like the shock one gets from walking across a carpet and then touching metal。
〃First of all；〃 said Zach； 〃you didn't try to knock my brains out。 You stopped。 Second； you didn't know caffeine would hurt me。〃
〃Even so…〃
〃Even so； seems like I would have figured out by now that you aren't exactly good for my health？〃
〃Something like that； yeah。〃
〃Maybe I'm not in this for my health。〃
〃In what？〃
〃Life。〃
〃Then what are you in it for？〃
〃Um 。 。 。〃 He felt Zach shiver。 〃To keep myself amused； I guess。 No； not amused。 Interested。 I want to do everything。〃
〃You do？ Really？〃
〃Sure。 Don't you？〃
Trevor thought about it。 〃I think I just want to see everything；〃 he said at last。 〃And sometimes I'm not even sure I want to。 I just feel like I have to。〃
〃That's because you're an artist。 Artists remind me of stills。〃
〃Of what？〃
〃Of stills。 What they use to make moonshine。 You take in information and distill it into art。〃 Zach was silent for a moment。 〃I guess that's not such a good analogy from your point of view。〃
〃It's okay。 A still doesn't have much choice about making moonshine。 The choice is up to the person who drinks it。〃
〃Then I'll drink your moonshine anytime you want to give me some；〃 said Zach。 〃I admire you。 That's why I didn't leave this afternoon。 You may be crazy； but I think you're also very brave。〃
Suddenly Trevor felt like crying again。 Here was this young kid on the run from some sinister unknown； this curious； generous； resilient soul who could stand up to a stranger with a hammer and make friends afterward； and he thought Trevor was brave。 It didn't make sense； but it sure made him feel better。 He couldn't remember the last time anyone had told him he was doing something right。
〃Thanks；〃 he said when he could trust his voice。 〃I don't feel very brave； though。 I feel scared all the time。〃
〃Yeah。 Me too。〃
Something brushed the side of Trevor's hand； then crept warmly into the palm。 Zach's ringer； still trembling a little。 Trevor nearly jerked his hand away； actually felt his muscles tensing and pulling。 But at the last second； his own fingers curled around Zach's and trapped it。
If he went； he wouldn't take anyone with him。 That was the one thing Trevor had promised himself。
But if he had someone to hang on to； maybe he wouldn't have to go。 At least； not all the way down。
Zach's touch sent little currents through his hand； into his bloodstream。 The old scars on his arm throbbed in time with his heartbeat。 In the darkness he could just make out Zach's shining eyes。 〃What do you want？〃 he whispered。
〃Could you 。 。 。〃 Zach squeezed his hand； then let go。 〃Could you just hold me？ This damn Excedrin 。 。 。〃
〃Yes；〃 said Trevor。 〃I think I can。 I'll try。〃
Gingerly he reached out and found Zach's bare shoulder； slid his arm around Zach's chest； moved closer so that their bodies were nestled like two spoons in a drawer。 Zach's heart was hammering madly； his muscles so taut it was like hugging an electrical coil about to blow。 His body felt smaller and frailer than Trevor would have expected。 It reminded him of sleeping with Didi； they had often nestled together in just the same way。
〃The damndest thing；〃 Zach said into the pillow； 〃is my head still hurts。〃
Trevor laughed。 He could hardly believe any of this was happening。 He would wake up and find that he'd slept another night at the drawing table； had invented this boy； this impossible situation。 He wasn't supposed to be feeling like this。 He had never felt like this。 He was supposed to be finding out why he was alive。
But he was very aware of Zach's skin against his own； as smooth as he had imagined it； and he didn't want to pull away。 If anything； he wanted to get closer。 ？ He wondered if this might have something to do with why he was alive。
Trevor pressed his face into the soft hair at the back of Zach's neck。 〃Are you supposed to be here？〃 he asked very softly； half hoping Zach would not hear him。 〃Is this part of what's supposed to happen？〃
〃Fuck supposed to；〃 said Zach。 〃You make it up as you go along。〃
Holding each other like a pair of twins in the womb； they were able to sleep。
Sometime just before dawn； a slow shimmering began in the air near the ceiling just above the bed。 It deepened into a vaguely circular whirlpool pattern something like the waves of heat that swim above asphalt in the heart of a Southern summer。 Then tiny white fragments of paper began to fall； appearing in the air and seesawing slowly down。 Soon a funnel…shaped cloud of them was swirling like a freak snowstorm in the hot； still room。
Trevor and Zach slept on； not knowing； not caring。 The bits of paper collected on the floor； the bed； the boys' sweaty sleeping bodies。
Dawn found them still locked tightly together； Trevor's face buried in the hollow of Zach's shoulder and his arms clamped across Zach's chest； Zach's hands clutching Trevor's so tightly that Trevor would later find the indentations of Zach's nails in his palms。
Awake； they had been afraid to touch each other at all。
Asleep； they looked as if they would be terrified to ever let go。
Chapter Twelve
As luck would have it； Eddy had a hacker in her apartment when the Secret Service kicked the door down。
His name was Stefan； better known on Zach's beloved pirate boards as 〃Phoetus；〃 and he was one of the few local puter outlaws who knew Zach's real name and where he lived。 Even if Zach hadn't wanted him to have this information； Phoetus could easily have chivied it out of the vast grid of data kept under electronic lock and key by the phone pany。 Zach said he was very good。
He ran with a local gang of hackers who called themselves 〃The 0rder 0f Dag0n。〃 （Hackers； Zach had explained to her； often employed a unique spelling system in which f's were replaced with ph's； plural s's with z's； and ordinary o's with zeroes。） It amused Eddy to picture Lovecraft's blasphemous fish…frogs of nameless design flopping； hopping； croaking； bleating； and surging inhumanly through the spectral moonlight all the way from Innsmouth to New Orleans and the surrounding swamps； where they had presumably set themselves up with the latest technology and started tapping phone lines and cracking databanks。
He came knocking at her door early Tuesday morning； sometime around eleven。 Eddy had spent all day Sunday and most of Monday trundling her stuff from her old apartment over to Madison Street in a little red wagon she usually used for shopping and laundry。 It didn't dawn on her until she was making the second…to…last trip that she could have hired a moving van。 Having thousands of dollars in the bank was difficult to get used to。 She kept expecting someone to stop her on the street and tell her there had been a mistake。
Which of course there had been…but with luck； They wouldn't find out about it。
By Monday night she was sore and exhausted。 She had collapsed on Zach's bed； thinking she would just rest for a few minutes； then get up and go to the corner liquor store for a flask of rotgut。 She could drink if she wanted to； she didn't have to get up and drag herself to the Pink Diamond tomorrow afternoon； she could call that hairy failed rock star Loup and tell him to blow。
Of course； she would do no such thing。 She would inform him politely that she was taking some time off； and she hoped it wasn't too inconvenient； and he could call her if he needed a dancer to fill in sometime。 Then； if he called； she would have to search madly for excuses not to。
Sometimes the leftover shreds of her upbringing could be a real bitch。 In Korean etiquette there was no such thing as a flat no。 You left all possibilities open； no matter how ambiguous。 You never caused the other person to lose face。 Not even if he was a sexist； coke…snorting asshole。
She took one last look at the twenty…five wagonloads of her stuff strewn around the room along with everything Zach had left。 It was a mess。 Eddy decided to rest her eyes for a few minutes。
When she opened them again sunlight was streaming through the open window； a green lizard was poised on the ceiling spearing her with its jeweled gaze； and someone was knocking lightly but rapidly at the door。
She opened it and Phoetus slipped through the crack。 He was perhaps seventeen； very thin； tall； and loosejointed。 Something about his posture and gait reminded Eddy of those posters of Evolving Man。 Phoetus was somewhere around the midpoint； where the head and muscle structure were more human than ape； but the arms still dangled a bit too low。 His curly brown hair looked as if it might lighten two or three shades if he washed it； and his eyes were nearly hidden behind lenses as thick and swirly as the bottoms of Coke bottles。
He looked blankly at her。 〃You're not Zach。〃
〃No； Stefan。 I'm Eddy； remember？ We met at the Cafe du Monde once。〃 She had been having coffee and beignets while Zach nibbled the Thai bird peppers he'd just bought in the Market and chased them with a cold glass of milk。 They had a table by the railing； and Zach hailed the nervous； pasty…skinned boy as he skulked by； dodging street performers； avoiding the eyes of tourists。
When introduced； the guy stared at Eddy as if petrified by the sight of her； leaned over the railing to mumble something to Zach…it sounded like 〃the eunuchs' holes are wide open〃…and sidled quickly away toward the river。
〃Who was that？〃 Eddy inquired。
〃That was one of the most brilliant phone…systems guys on the planet。 He's also the sysop of a pirate board called 'The Lurking Fear' and a member of the 0rder 0f Dag0n。 He's way underground。 Sociable type； isn't he？〃
As usual when Zach talked about his hacker buddies； Eddy understood about half of it； but she always looked at her telephone a bit more warily afterward。 Who knew what unspeakable presences waited within those wires like swollen silver spiders clinging to a fiber…optic web？
Stefan stood by the door wringing his hands and staring at her in sweaty panic。 Eddy realized with something like awe that he might never