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e letter went on to say that it had been a wonderful summer and he would never forget me。 But now his life had changed and he would have a lot of work to do and there wouldn't be much room for 〃girls。〃 He had told his parents about me； but they disapproved of our 〃affair。〃 They said it wasn't fair to go on with a girl if one wasn't going to marry her。 〃They are terribly insular； I'm afraid； and they have ridiculous ideas about 'foreigners；' although heaven knows I regard you as just like any other English girl and you know I adore your accent。〃 They were set on his marrying the daughter of some neighbor in the country。 〃I've never told you about this； which I'm afraid was very naughty of me； but as a matter of fact we're sort of semi…engaged。 We had such a marvelous time together and you were such a sport that I didn't want to spoil it all。〃 He said he hoped very much we would 〃run into each other〃 again one day and in the meantime he had asked Fortnum's to send me a dozen bottles of pink champagne； 〃the best；〃 to remind me of the first time we had met。 〃And I do hope this letter won't upset you too much； Viv； as I really think you're the most wonderful girl； far too good for someone like me。 With much love； happy memories； Derek。〃
Well； it took just ten minutes to break my heart and about another six months to mend it。 Accounts of other people's aches and pains are uninteresting because they are so similar to everybody else's； so I won't go into details。 I didn't even tell Susan。 As I saw it； I'd behaved like a tramp； from the very first evening； and I'd been treated like a tramp。 In this tight little world of England； I was a Canadian； and therefore a foreigner； an outsider…fair game。 The fact that I hadn't seen it happening to me was more fool me。 Born yesterday！ Better get wise； or you'll go on being hurt！ But beneath this open…eyed； chin…up rationalization； the girl in me whimpered and cringed； and for a time I cried at night and went down on my knees to the Holy Mother I had forsaken and prayed that She would give Derek back to me。 But of course She wouldn't； and my pride forbade me to plead with him or to follow up my curt little note of acknowledgment to his letter and the return of the champagne to Fortnum's。 The endless summer had ended。 All that was left were some poignant Ink Spot memories； and the imprint of the nightmare in the cinema in Windsor； the marks of which I knew I would bear all my life。
I was lucky。 The job I had been trying for came up。 It was through the usual friend…of…a…friend； and it was on the Chelsea Clarion； a glorified parish magazine that had gone in for small ads and had established itself as a kind of marketplace for people looking for flats and rooms and servants in the southwest part of London。 It had added some editorial pages that dealt only with local problems… the hideous new lamp standards； infrequent buses on the Number 11 route； the theft of milk bottles…things that really affected the local housewives； and it ran a whole page of local gossip； mostly 〃Chelsea；〃 that 〃everybody〃 came to read and that somehow managed to dodge libel actions。 It also had a hard…hitting editorial on Empire Loyalist lines that exactly suited the politics of the neighborhood； and； for good measure； it was stylishly made up each week （it was a weekly） by a man called Harling who was quite a dab at getting the most out of the old…fashioned type faces that were all our steam…age jobbing printers in Pimlico had in stock。 In fact it was quite a good little paper； and the staff liked it so much they worked for a pittance and even for nothing when the ads didn't materialize in times like August and over the holidays。 I got five pounds a week （we were non…union： not important enough）； plus mission on any ads I could rustle up。
So I quietly tucked the fragments of my heart somewhere under my ribs and decided to get along without one for the future。 I would rely on brains and guts and shoe…leather to show these damned English snobs that if I couldn't get anywhere else with them I could at least make a living out of them。 So I went to work by day and cried by night and I became the most willing horse on the paper。 I made tea for the staff； attended the funerals and got the lists of the mourners right； wrote spiky paragraphs for the gossip page； ran the petition column； and even checked the clues of the crossword before it went into type。 And； in between； I hustled round the neighborhood； charming ads out of the most hardbitten shops and hotels and restaurants and piling up my twenty…per…cents with the tough old Scotswoman who kept the accounts。 Soon I was making good money…twelve to twenty pounds a week…and the editor thought he would economize by stabilizing me at a salary of fifteen； so he installed me in a cubbyhole next to him and I became his editorial assistant； which apparently carried with it the privilege of sleeping with him。 But at the first pinch of my behind I told him that I was engaged to a man in Canada； and； when I said it； I looked him so furiously in the eye that he got the message and left me alone。 I liked him； and from then on we got on fine。 He was an ex…Beaverbrook reporter called Len Holbrook； who had e into some money and had decided to go into business for himself。 He was a Welshman and； like all of them； something of an idealist。 He had decided that if he couldn't change the world he would at least make a start on Chelsea； and he bought the broken…down Clarion and started laying about him。 He had a tip…off on the Council and another in the local Labour Party organization； and he got off to a flying start when he revealed that a jerry…builder had got the contract for a new block of Council flats and that he wasn't building to specification…not putting enough steel in the concrete or something。 The Nationals picked up the story； with tongs because It stank of libel； and； as luck would have it； cracks began to appear in the uprights； and pictures got taken。 There was an inquiry； the builder lost his contract and his license； and the Clarion put a red Saint George and Dragon on its masthead。 There were other campaigns； like the ones I mentioned earlier； and suddenly people were reading the little paper and it put on more pages and soon had a circulation of around forty thousand and the Nationals were regularly stealing its stories and giving it an occasional plug in exchange。
Well； I settled down in my new job as 〃Assistant to the Editor；〃 and I was given more writing to do and less leg…work； and in due course； after I had been there for a year； I graduated to a by…line； and 〃Vivienne Michel〃 became a public person and my salary went up to twenty guineas。 Len liked the way I got on with things and wasn't afraid of people； and he taught me a lot about writing… tricks like hooking the reader with your lead paragraph； using short sentences； avoiding 〃okay〃 English； and； above all； writing about people。 This he had learned from the Express； and he was always drumming it into my head。 For instance； he had a phobia about the 11 and 22 bus services and he was always chasing them。 I began one of my many stories about them； 〃Conductors on the Number 11 service plain that they have to work to too tight a schedule in the rush…hours。〃 Len put his pencil through it。 〃People； people； people！ This is how it ought to go： 'Frank Donaldson； a wideawake young man of twenty…seven； has a wife； Gracie； and two children； Bill； six； and Emily； five。 And he has a grouse。 〃I haven't seen my kids in the evening ever since the summer holidays；〃 he told me in the neat little parlor of number 36 Bolton Lane。 〃When I get home they're always in bed。 You see； I'm a conductor； on the 11 route； and we've been running an hour late regular； ever since the new schedules came in。〃 ' 〃 Len stopped。 〃See what I mean？ There are people driving those buses。 They're more interesting than the buses。 Now you go out and find a Frank Donaldson and make that story of yours e alive。〃 Cheap stuff； I suppose； corny angles； but that's journalism； and I was in the trade and I did what he told me and my copy began to draw the letters…from the Donaldsons of the neighborhood and their wives and their mates。 And editors seem to love letters。 They make a paper look busy and read。
I stayed with the Clarion another two years； until I was just over twenty…one； and by then I was getting offers from the Nationals； from the Express and the Mail； and it seemed to me it was time to get out of S。W。3 and into the world。 I was still living with Susan。 She had got a job with the Foreign Office in something called 〃munications；〃 about which she was very secretive； and she had a boy…friend from the same department； and I knew it wouldn't be long before they got engaged and she would want the whole flat。 My own private life was a vacuum…a business of drifting friendships and semi…flirtations from which I always recoiled； and I was in danger of being a hard； if successful； little career girl； smoking too many cigarettes and drinking too many vodkas and tonics and eating alone out of tins。 My gods； or rather goddesses （Katharine Whitehorne and Penelope Gilliatt were outside my orbit）； were Drusilla Beyfus； Veronica Papworth； Jean Campbell； Shirley Lord； Barbara Griggs； and Anne Sharpley…the top women journalists…and I only wanted to be as good as any of them and nothing else in the world。
And then； at a press show in aid of a Baroque Festival in Munich； I met Kurt Rainer of the V。W。Z。
Five： A Bird With a Wing Down
THE rain was still crashing down； its violence unchanged。 The eight…o'clock news continued its talk of havoc and disaster…a multiple crash on Route 9； railway tracks flooded at Schenectady； traffic at a standstill in Troy； heavy rain likely to continue for several hours。 American life is pletely dislocated by storms and snow and hurricanes。 When American automobiles can't move； life es to a halt； and when their famous schedules can't be met they panic and go into a kind of paroxysm of frustration； besieging railway stations； jamming the long…distance wires； keeping their radios permanently switched on for any crumb of fort。 I could imagine the chaos on the roads and in the cities； and I hugged my cozy solitude to me。
My drink was nearly dead。 I kept it just alive with some more ice cubes； lit another cigarette； and settled down again in my chair while a disk jockey announced half an hour of Dixieland jazz。
Kurt hadn't liked jazz。 He thought it decadent。 He also stopped me smoking and drinking and using lipstick； and life became a serious business of art galleries and concerts and lecture halls。 As a contrast to my meaningless； rather empty life； it was a wele change and I dare say the diet of Teutonism appealed to the rather heavy seriousness that underlies the Canadian character。
V。W。Z。； the Verband Westdeutscher Zeitungen； was an independent news agency financed by a cooperative of West German newspapers rather on the lines of Reuter's。 Kurt Rainer was its first representative in London and when I met him he was on the lookout for an English Number Two to read the papers and weeklies for items of German interest while he did the high…level diplomatic stuff and covered outside assignments。 He took me out to dinner that night； to Schmidt's in Charlotte Street； and was rather charmingly serious about the importance of his job and how much it might mean for Anglo…German relationships。 He was a powerfully built； outdoor type of young man whose bright fair hair and candid blue eyes made him look younger than his thirty years。 He told me that he came from Augsburg； near Munich； and that he was an only child of parents who were both doctors and had both been rescued from a concentration camp by the Americans。 They had been informed on and arrested for listening to the Allied radio and for preventing young Kurt from joining the Hitler Youth Movement。 He had been educated at Munich High School and at the University； and had then gone into journalism； graduating to Die Welt； the leading West German newspaper； from which he had been chosen for this London job because of his good English。 He asked me what I did； and the next day I went round to his two…room office in Chancery Lane and showed him some of my work。 With typical thoroughness he had alread